Joel had his last appointment with the specialist around 4 weeks ago, the one where we found out that it’s all permanent. About 2 weeks ago we started getting medical bills for all the tests that have been run on both of us. They come pretty much every day. Let me tell you this: It’s very expensive to find out you cannot have any more children. Of course, now that we know what happened as a result of surgery so long ago, we know that most of the tests that were run were not needed…no infections, no low sperm count…just a permanent and unexpected blockage. The good news is that we have excellent insurance, and our HSA ensures that we don’t have to pay anything out of pocket. Still, a little jab comes with each bill.
And yet, there is a calm here that hasn’t been here before…you see, we spent so many years not knowing the future, yet thinking about it every single day. Hoping…and yet scared to hope. Now we know. For the first time since the beginning I have been able to take ACTION. It feels a strange kind of good.
The Caroline Project has provided this really cool way for us to be intentional about looking beyond ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, over the past 3 ½ years we have felt comfortable making room for the messiness that comes with living out a difficult season. I am not suggesting that people should just “get over it” or simply “think of others”. But what I’m saying is that we are ready…I can see that we’ve actually been waiting for this for a while… The Caroline Project, though in its infancy, is something we get to do almost every day. $6.50 for sandbox sand on Sunday. $5 for McDonalds on Thursday. At the end of the month, it becomes something that matters. That’s all we want…that our journey would matter.
On a much less serious, but still quite enjoyable note, I would love to introduce you to Betty.
I’ve wanted to have chickens for quite some time. But I did not want to get them until after I knew we were done having kids. I don’t really know a thing about chickens! I didn’t want to have a newborn and have to learn a whole new world of…chickendom. A couple of days after we found out that there would be no newborn, my friend Kristi noted on Facebook that she was looking for someone to foster some of her chickens. She’s this really, really hip lady, who lives in a lovely home, has a lovely family, and has like a zillion chickens. I saw that come across the Facebook feed and I didn’t even hesitate. The following weekend, when my husband was in Ohio visiting his family, I was at Kristi’s picking out our chickens. I picked Betty for 2 reasons. First, her name is Betty. How adorable is that?!?! Second, because of her…well, her wide girth…(she’s kinda got this big butt thing going that I just really appreciate)! Betty has 3 chicks, who Jonah named Buddy, Penguin, and Sherman. These little guys are growing like crazy. They’re now in that awkward teenager phase. We’ve all been there, Sherman…we’ve all been there.
So- Joel goes out of town, and I get 4 chickens. I think that will provide some insight into who we are! Actually, though, the chickens have been another way we’ve taken action. And that is good.