Still waters.

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kindergartenWell we did it.  We sent Jonah to kindergarten.  That first day we got up earlier than usual.  Jonah dressed in his official kindergarten outfit (thanks, Aunt Deb!).  We took the first day of school photo.  We waaaalked to the car.  We droooooove into town.  I tried to play it cool, you know, to not put any of my emotions about sending Jonah to school out there so he wouldn’t pick up on what a hot mess his mother was and therefore freak out himself. We walked hand in hand to the grassy area where all the kindergarteners were joining their teachers and classmates.  Then, as if out of nowhere, and at the most perfect moment, this guitar music starts.  There was a troubadour, walking around, playing music and singing songs.  My kid was enamored with him.  I looked around and some parents were leaving, but some were staying.  I said to Joel “how long do you think we need to stay?” Joel didn’t even have time to respond because at that moment, Jonah looked up at me with those huge brown eyes and said “Adios, mom”…the most proper response from a kid who’s attending a Spanish immersion school.  Welp.  There’s my cue.  So thanks, guitar man, for making that transition extremely easy!

As I sat alone in my car a few moments later, my first instinct was to sob my eyes out.  But wait…what’s that?  What was my soul telling me in that very moment?  That there really is nothing to sob about.  Because, though our circumstances are what they are, there is so much good here.  Jonah is okay, beyond that, he’s totally ready for kindergarten.  And he’s totally into learning the Spanish language.  And his school is totally into global awareness, which totally matches this thing that is developing in our family…an increased awareness of social justice, cultural reconciliation, environmental stewardship…

I sat in my car, having it all be okay.  And it occurred to me…these are still waters.  So He DOES lead us there if we’re willing to go with Him…

On a similar but separate note, when we dropped Jonah off this morning, he was all good and well, but there was another little girl who was far from it.  I ran into her mom in the parking lot and we got to talking…as I listened to this poor, sweet momma bear, I determined one thing for sure.  This whole sending your kid to kindergarten thing:   it’s hard. No matter how you cut it.  Whether it is your only child or one of many, it’s HARD (my personal opinion is that it IS a titch harder for us mothers of onlies).  These are our babies and we’re entrusting them to the care of someone else for the first time.  Even if they’ve been in daycare for years, this is their education…kindergarten is the first thing that actually, really matters…and we’re all just trying to the best job we can for our kids.  This poor mother, who’s daughter only recently turned 5, was second guessing her choice to send her child to school this year…possibly the first of many tough choices that really matter.   Rest, tonight, momma bear…you are doing a good job.

We sent Joel back to school too this week, both as a teacher and as a student.  Fall has officially started at our house.  With it comes figuring out what our new routine is, which can be messy and clumsy at times.  But this year the return of the school year means that I get to go from working full-time to working part-time, something that I have wanted to do for a good long time.  I am totally, completely thrilled!  And so for me, it feels like less schedule, less stress, more time… more freedom.  Freedom to be and to write and to paint and to process.   It was only one year ago, last September, that we even started to try to have more babies….after the miscarriages, after Joel’s near death experience with a fungus growing in his lungs, after a break from “trying” so that he could recover…our journey has taken us so many years, and yet it is also still so very recent.  So this thing we’re doing…this staying put until God directs us to the next place, this giving away, this thinking and processing and being…THIS is what we are to do in this moment.  This is why we can be resting beside still waters.  And I am happy to be here.

 

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2 thoughts on “Still waters.

  1. cindy Reedstrom

    So much beauty and wisdom and (I just Love It) in your writings dear one.
    He leads me beside still waters. He restores my Soul.
    And It’s a beautiful thing to observe and watch.
    Bless you.

  2. Jackie C.

    I could just see the man strolling around singing and playing his guitar. I wish all kids could go to a school that is wise enough to start the first day outside (remind you of camp?) and with a singer. What a great transition.

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