Mercy Wild. One of Jonah’s favorite Christmas songs right now is Hark the Herald Angels Sing. Only he calls it “Mercy Wild”. I don’t know why…Joel and I sing the words mercy mild, but Jonah hears mercy wild. Every time he says those two words, I practically fall apart at their depth. Mercy wild…It’s true, isn’t it? God’s mercy is wild. It’s fierce and untamed. It’s hard for my human brain to make sense of it. And I’ve got this feeling that it might not supposed to make sense to me. Not completely anyway. It is wild. And, oh how this unstable human needs something fierce in her life. But not just anything. A love that is wild and stable at the same time- a mercy that treats me differently than I deserve.
The lyrics that are standing out to me this Christmas season- “The wonders of His love.” Like- it’s as if I’ve heard them for the very first time. Mercy wild. The wonders of His love… Sometimes it seems that the more I see of God, the less I understand of Him…because I have maybe put Him in some sort of box so I could understand Him better. But I think that part of the point is that He’s so big and different than my humanness. Oh maybe it’s the place I’m in right now…the place of desperation and grittiness- kind of a mess. My mess is wild, and I am abandoned. I think this might be the most honest I’ve ever been with God…maybe in my whole life. He’s meeting me in this place, over and over again. It keeps looking different than what I imagined it would look like. It’s so gritty and real, and raw and…wild. And it makes me feel uncomfortable and safe all at the same time…the wonders of His love.