To the others.

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I’m surrounded by beautiful mothers.  There’s my own mother, and mother-in-law, both of whom bless me over and over and over with their support and love.  There’s many wonderful mothers in my family, including my sister, Gina, who is an intentional, silly, creative and engaging mother.   And a whole bunch of women in my cohort titled “We’re all just doing the very best job we can do to raise our kiddos.”  I am blessed by their honesty and humor. (I’m blessed even more when they help me process the fact that Jonah almost electrocuted himself a week ago. Oh yes he did…)  Yes, there are many beautiful, strong, intelligent mothers in my world and I adore them so very much. I honor them.

However:

This entry is not for them.

This entry is for the women, who, like me, skipped church this morning…because you know that your heart is just tender today.  And because the LAST place you want to be is in a room full of people who are talking about how “blessed” they are to be mothers- because they have one of the things you-want-but-can’t have.  Or for those that did go to church…and wept in the back.

Believe me, I am fully aware that even as my fingers move over the keys to type this entry, I can hear my son near me playing with legos.  That’s what makes this secondary infertility thing so weird…it’s this strange combination of guilt and gratitude.  (You’re so extremely thankful for the child you have and you feel guilty for wanting more.)

Yes, this entry is for me, and for others like me who fall into this weird category of infertility.  But it’s ALSO for the women who can’t get pregnant at all. For the women who have lost babies before they were born.  Or after.  Who’s families are incomplete.  It’s for the women who had babies and gave them up for adoption to be raised by others.  For the women who are doing beautiful work of fostering.  It’s for the single moms. It’s for dads, raising their kids alone- who are both mom and dad. For the women who choose not to have kids. It’s for the women who are single, and who don’t want to be.

I honor YOU today too, because I see you.  And I know that you, too, are trying to do the very best you can.  And I think you should be honored for it.  Let’s all keep up this good work.  Let’s keep doing the best we can every day.  You- you’re doing a good job.  And I’m proud of you.

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