Beautiful:  I’ve got this husband who is the best man I’ve ever known and this kid whom I adore.  I mean it, I’m just totally crazy about him.  I’ve got this sustaining, connected relationship with Jesus.  I’m part of a church that is made up of people who are all broken and are being restored.  I’ve got a family that I genuinely like…on BOTH sides.  I’ve got this group of girlfriends that just get me and even when they don’t get me, they support me.    I work at this really cool place where I am surrounded by college kids who love the Lord.  I want to make the least amount of impact on the planet that I can.  I enjoy making ugly furniture pretty by painting it.   I love listening to the banjo, watching Gilmore Girls, gardening, and cooking from scratch.  All of which I plan to write about on this blog.

Mess:  The day my son turned 2, we had our first miscarriage.  That year we had a total of 3 miscarriages.  Since that time we’ve been walking this really crazy, very messy journey of “infertility”.  I use quotation marks because, though there are certain things about our journey that are standard infertility things (the time, the anticipation, the pain, the “I’m going to go crazy” part), there are definitely things that are totally not the norm.  Mainly one big thing:  After the miscarriages, in 2010, my husband had a procedure that resulted in an accidental vasectomy, which we were not aware of until about three weeks ago.  After 6 months of trying to conceive, our worst fears have been confirmed…  So here we are, broken and not able to conceive any more children.

Even as my fingers are typing these words, it is as if I am writing about someone else’s life.  Certainly not my own…

We are this tiny, connected family…living in the midst of great loss.  And yet, there is beauty.  Jesus is here.  He’s carrying us.  Sustaining us.  Helping us to function each day.  We are surrounded by praying people and many times they have told us that when they are praying for us, they get the sense that this is not the end of our story…so here I am.  Writing and anticipating.   This is our beautiful mess.


6 thoughts on “About

  1. We have never met, but we are related thourgh your husband and I don’t know him very well either. We are cousins. I got to see him at his Grandma’s 95th birthday. She is my Aunt, my mother’s sister. I have heard things about both of you and some of your adventures in life. Not as much now as my Mom has passed away and she can no longer keep me up to date on things. I really enjoyed reading this and thank you so much for sharing. Life does have a way of keeping us on our toes. Enjoy what you have and don’t worry about anything else. You know God will take care of things. Thanks again and I hope to meet you in person someday.

    • I am so, so sorry for your losses…the losses of your children and the losses of future dreams. It makes me angry that an accident resulted in such a massive heartbreak for your family. Those “why” questions can be all-consuming. I know that you are grieving now, and I’m so glad that you’ve joined this community of infertility bloggers. I hope that you find some sustenance here to help you get through the valleys in this journey

  2. Craig

    anna, thank you for giving me an incredible perspective. I sit here and read your blog stuck in Mitchell South Dakota sitting at Pizza Ranch. The fact that I haven’t seen my wife or daughter 12 days is bad but let’s be honest I have an amazing wife and daughter! It is so fun to miss them. Thanks for your prayers you have them coming from the Corn Palace of the world! Much love craig

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